Why Do I Always Feel Guilty?

Guilt is something we’ve all experienced at some point or another. Maybe you impulsively said something nasty to a loved one, maybe you cheated on a test or maybe you lied to get out of a family event you just couldn’t be bothered going to. Feeling guilt as a consequence of these behaviours is a perfectly natural and human experience – in fact it would be concerning if you didn’t feel any sense of remorse for actions you took that you knew to be wrong.

But what happens when you start to feel guilty for no good reason at all? When you feel a deep sense of personal failure in response to events that do not warrant such a response, or events that may not have even happened and exist purely in your mind. When you over analyse situations, feel guilty for bad thoughts, live in a constant state of regret or convince yourself that the emotions of others are somehow because of your wrongdoings … well this can really become problematic.

It is first necessary to distinguish between guilt and shame. Often times when our feelings of guilt begin to reflect on our self worth they represent feelings of shame. While there are a number of similarities between guilt and shame there are also a number of differences; the most significant being that guilt often reflects the disapproval we feel for a specific behaviour we have engaged in while shame reflects a negative evaluation we hold of ourselves.

When we begin to feel a sense of guilt that is persistent, illogical and tends to reflect our own character it is likely we have begun to engage in feelings of shame.Feelings of guilt and shame are particularly common in people with depression, even down to a neurological level.

A recent study conducted by researchers at the University of Manchester examined the brain differences of people with a history of depression compared to a control group who had never experienced depression. They then had the participants imagine a situation in which they acted badly towards their best friends. What they found was that the people who did not have a history of depression showed that the region of the brain associated with feelings of guilt (the subgenual region of the brain) as well as the brain region associated with appropriate behaviour (the anterior temporal lobe) were active at a pretty similar rate. However in people who did experience depression these brain activities were not as integrated. This suggests that these people find it difficult to view these situations in a realistic context, resulting in self-blame and feelings of guilt and shame in response.

These persistent feelings can also stem from trauma – simple or complex; particularly when the trauma is experienced at a young age. As a child, it is difficult to make sense of these sorts of events and so the blame often falls on oneself. This negative thought process will often continue into adulthood and can lead to an unstable sense of self worth and an almost innate tendency to blame oneself for any negative event that occur thereafter.It is not only trauma that may lead to these emotions however, sometimes the people around us may contribute to this negative mindset.

For example, many parents will place an excessive emphasis on ‘doing no wrong’ and always being ‘well behaved’. They will reward their children for complying with these standards in an attempt to instil respectable morals and behaviours in them. Some children however will adopt this mindset wholeheartedly; believing that they are responsible for the reactions of others and taking personal responsibility for these events.

Conversely, family members or friends that are overly blameful of a child may cause him or her to thereafter adopt this way of thinking about themselves in relation to their external world. This particularly occurs in children who have high levels of neuroticism. Neuroticism is one of the Big Five personality traits; high levels of these traits are seen in people who tend to also show high levels of moodiness, anxiety, worry, fear, frustration, jealousy, loneliness, sadness and guilt.

While there are a number of factors that influence the development of this trait including both genetic and environmental it is apparent that people with higher levels or neuroticism are not only more likely to experience feelings of guilt to also develop other mental illnesses.So what can we do about it? Keep an eye out for my next blog where I will cover a number of tips and strategies to overcome this guilty mindset!